Cancer Sucks!

You know, I have really tried to stay positive through all this, but THIS IS HARD!! I just feel like I'm on a roller coaster all the time! My husband, the man who is never sick and who never sleeps is really struggling. I really don't know how people get through this still smiling. I have never felt so helpless . . . okay maybe I have with Gracie, but not with Brian. I know that things will get better, I realize that. But tell my heart that right now. And who am I to complain! When we see these little kids with cancer, and how these parents must be feeling, I can't imagine what that would be like. But it is still someone you love and you just want things to be normal again. But things will never be normal again. We will be thinking about the "C" word for the rest of our lives. This just really sucks!!! Ok I'm done now. My pity party is complete. Thanks for listening.

Hump Day

Today was an average day. Brian has slept most of the day today as he seems to be very lethargic. He woke up a little queasy but felt a little better after he received his iv fluids. I'm hoping the fatigue isn't a sign of what is to come over the weekend. I know now that if he isn't feeling up to par that I should call the doctor right away. I'm excited for next week. Sue is coming to stay with us for a couple of days, Lynea and Jan are coming to visit me on Monday and my kids are coming up Wednesday morning and staying with us through Thursday afternoon, so I won't be lonely next week! It will be nice to have someone to talk to while Brian sleeps the day away. :o) We are half way through our adventure!!

Terrific Tuesday!

Brian is a new man!! Brian woke up this morning with no queasiness, and his pain patch is working, so he has virtually no pain in this throat!! He actually got up this morning and ate breakfast and has been fairly productive (as productive as you can be in a hotel room). This is such a relief to me. I hate seeing him like that!

We go back to the hospital for IV fluids again tomorrow, so I am anticipating that he will feel much better this Thursday (Thursdays have been really bad for him in the past).

Today is a good day!!

Manic Monday . . .

Today was EXTREMELY taxing for some reason. We left the house last night with all of us in tears. I thought this was supposed to get easier. Brian had an extremely rough weekend, with him being very fatigued and queasy. We were able to get him on some new medications which I can already see a difference. He actually ate food today for the first time since Wednesday. What a relief for me! He has dropped way too much weight already and if he loses any more weight they will be putting a G-tube in. They have already threatened that. So I am sitting down tonight and making a "feeding" and medication schedule and he better abide by it, or else! :o) The doctor said today that if he gives me any problems that I am to call her and she will yell at him so I don't have to. (Kinda like that phone call my mom used to make - if you don't straighten up I will call your father at work and you will talk to him!!). Brian will also be going in every 3rd day to get IV fluids and a nausea drug to make sure he can eat. That was a big relief for me, because that was weighing heavily on me. You can already see that this has taken its toll on him. I can see it in his eyes.

Here goes another week!!

This weekend was tough for Brian, he slept most of Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. He did muster up enough strength to go to the play last night, which was AWESOME!! Great job PHS!!

We will be talking to the doctor tomorrow about changing his medication as he was very queasy and his throat is killing him. He has already lost 5 pounds in a couple days and really can't afford to lose too much more.

I just want to say once again how incredibly blessed we are. The support from our family and friends and even people we don't really know very well has been incredible. The phone calls, the prayers, the hugs, the food, the cards, the help with the kids . . . . I could go on and on forever. We truly live in an amazing town and have been overwhelmed with kindness from so many people. We hope that we can someday pay it forward and give like you all have given to us. It has made our journey so much easier with all of you. A special thank you to my friend Sue, who has been like a second mom to my kids, she calls and checks on them constantly and makes sure that everything is running smoothly without us. Thanks Sue, don't know what I'd do without you . . . .

I'm hoping that this week will go a little smoother. Week 3, here we come!!

We're home!!

Really glad to be home today. Brian is still under the weather. He slept all the way home today and most of the afternoon. It is 6:00 and he is finally getting something to eat. I am a little worried about his lack of appetite and him wanting to sleep all the time. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day for him. It's really hard to see him like this, he is always so active.

Please pray for extra strength and endurance for him as he is really struggling, and it's only 2 weeks into it!! I'm really worried that it will only get worse.

One more day before we go home!!

Today is Thursday, finally!! Brian slept almost all day today. I half expected it today as last week Thursday was the worst day for him. He got up about 9:30 this morning, went back to bed at 10:00, got up about 1:00 to take a shower, went back to bed and slept until about 4:45, went for his treatment, came back to the hotel and then slept until about 8:00. I'm glad he was able to rest, but boy was I bored today!! I'm used to him entertaining me. I did go to the mall for a while and did my laundry, oh boy!!

Brian's throat is really starting to be sore and his throat is very dry, so the radiation is already affecting his salivary glands, which was expected, but not quite this soon.

Looking forward to being home tomorrow! We should be home around 3:00 or so.

Hope everyone has a great weekend, thank you for your continued support and prayers!

Wacky Wednesday

I'm glad that we didn't get the ice they were predicting for Ann Arbor, although I'm disappointed because my in-laws were coming to visit us today, but we told them to stay home because of the impending weather.

Went to Cabella's yesterday for the first time. It's a really neat store, but very expensive!! Now we can say we have been to the only Cabella's in Michigan.

Brian is still doing pretty well, he's eating better and sleeping good (I know that because I'm not - he's snoring louder than ever before!!) He has discovered he feels better if he eats more, which makes sense. He has started getting a sore throat, which is earlier than the doctors predicted, so we will be asking the doctor about pain meds before it gets too bad.

I am so proud of him and his attitude about all this. He just rolls with it and has a great outlook on life, which is why I love him so much!! He still is my knight in shining armor :o)

Be sure to come and see Beauty and the Beast this weekend!! The Anson boys are in the play - Riley is a townsperson and Tyler is the backstage manager. Looking forward to it!!

Week Two . . .

Today went relatively smoothly with chemo and radiation. We were in a room with another couple and we talked with them for quite a while about each other's cancer and it made the day go alot faster. Brian seemed in really good spirits and seemed to go through everything today very well. I also had a better day. It just amazes me at how many people are here for treatment for cancer. We talked with Dr. Eisbruch this morning (he is Brian's radiation doctor), and he said there are about 15 people right now that he is treating just with the same cancer as Brian. That doesn't include all the other different cancers. It's also hard to see all the kids that are going through the cancer. Like we've always said, no matter what you are going through, there is always someone that has it worse than you.

Sunday was hard. The kids always get sad when we leave, which is hard. But at the end of the week we only have 5 more weeks!!

Saturday . . . .

Boy was it nice to be home all day today. The best part was Gracie came home, the worst part was that our guys were gone almost all day today because of the musical. Hopefully we'll see them more tomorrow. Brian's parents and sister and brother-in-law came over today to see Brian, and he also heard from an old friend from high school. I can really tell that Brian is not himself, he is not eating much at all, and he looks tired all the time. I hope it doesn't get worse, but I'm afraid it will. I have to keep at him to make sure he eats. I can tell this is going to be a full time job keeping him in line. :o)

Back to reality tomorrow evening when we head back. :o(

We're home!!!

I can't tell you how good it feels to be home today!! We got home about 1:30, went home to see our doggies, and realized that neither one of us had house keys to get in the house!! So we went to Starr to surprise Madie. She was so happy to see me she wouldn't let go of me! It was priceless!
I even think Suzie Q missed me too . . . . :o)

Brian has officially completed one week of treatment, only 6 more weeks to go!! He said that his neck and tongue area feels "different". I looked in his mouth yesterday, and I can't see the tumor any more, so I know it has gone down from when he started!!

Brian really only had one bad day this week, which was Thursday. We are hoping that he will only have one day like that, and they told us that he might feel the effects of the chemo about 3 days later, which he did. But he got up this morning and felt good.

Another bit of good news, it looks like Gracie will be coming home tomorrow, so we will be one big happy family for at least a couple days!

It's almost Friday . . .

Things are a little calmer this morning. Gracie was admitted to the hospital early this morning after being in the emergency room for 5 hours. She is resting quietly but is still very sick. They aren't sure what she has, but it could be RSV, pneumonia, or some type of bacterial infection. It was a really long night last night as I couldn't sleep very well.

Brian had a rough night himself. I think the chemo has finally hit him. He said he is very queezy this morning and didn't fight me when I told him to take his medication. He has a headache on the left hand side of his head from the top to bottom. I would imagine it's from the radiation, but we will ask the doctor this afternoon.

As my kids would say when they were little, "how many more sleeps till we get there?" Well we only have one more sleep before we can be home for the weekend and sleep in our own house in our own bed.

Thanks to everyone for their continued support and prayers. It means alot to us.

What next?

Okay, I don't like this being away from home stuff. Gracie is terribly sick with an awful cough. She is requiring breathing treatments every 2-3 hours, she doesn't seem to want to get rid of her fever, Jessica is a mess, she's going on little if no sleep, the boys are both stressed out and I'm 100 miles away from home. AAAHHHHH! If I could concentrate on just getting Brian better it would be nice, but of course nothing is ever that simple. I am really trying to be positive, but this has been one of the toughest weeks of my entire life, and it's going to get worse before it gets better. I have never felt so frustrated and not in control. A little help here, God, please? I can't wait for Friday to get here.

Good morning!!

I have been told that it is difficult to post on this blog, so I wanted everyone to know I changed the settings so it will be easier. Just click on "comments" under any of the posts, preferably the last post, and then it will let you post, you can click on anonymous, and then it will give you some numbers you have to put in, and then hit submit and it should work for you. Make sure you put your name at the end so I know who it's from!! Thank you!

We made it through a full day!!

Well, today was a really long day, but thanks to Jeana and Sara Keck we had a really nice meal waiting for us when we got back to the hotel!! :o)

We started out about 9:30 this morning, where Brian had blood work done, and then to the Skills Center for a last minute lesson on what to expect with chemo, and then to the Infusion Lab. Brian did well with his treatment today, he was just a little tired because they gave him Benadryl to make sure he didn't have any reaction to the chemo. Apparently sometimes your body will say, "hey, this isn't supposed to come into my veins", and people sometimes have reactions to it, so the Benadryl helps to make sure that doesn't happen. Brian also had a radiation treatment today too. We got back to the hotel about 5:30, so we're both pretty tuckered out.

I had to step out for a minute today, all this "stuff" got a little bit overwhelming to me for some reason. I sat down out in the hall and began to cry. I'm not sure why, but I guess I had to just let go for a minute. I didn't want Brian to see me upset. I'm better now. Sometimes you just need a little cry.

I had the pleasure of seeing an old friend, of all places, here at the hospital. She was there for a check up. We talked for quite a while and it was great catching up with her. Marge, it was great to see you and Carey!!

I think I'm going to sleep pretty well tonight! But don't forget, tonight's the season finale of the Bachelor!!

Coming home today!!

What a tough night last night, but we get to come home today! Gracie ended up being admitted to Bronson last night. Tyler and Riley ended up staying alone, so that was a little tough for them since they have never done that before. But my dear friend Sue went to stay with them for a while. Don't know what I would do without her!! Sue you're the best!! Of course this would all have to happen at once . . . . but hopefully it will be a quick stay for Grace. Brian's radiation is at 3:30 today and then we'll be on our way home. Hopefully Grace will be back home by the time we get there!
Have a great weekend everyone!

Only 34 days left!!

Well Brian did well today during his first radiation treatment. He came out of the room looking like a reptile. His face had mesh marks all over it from the mask being so tight!! It was quite funny. I took some pictures so I can use it for blackmail at a later date :o).

We are settling in to our new digs just fine. The room we have is really quite nice. It has all the comforts of home, well pretty much. Brian has radiation at 3:30 tomorrow afternoon and then we will head back home for the weekend, and then come back probably Sunday night. Monday will be a very long day, as we found out today that he will be in chemo for 6 hours, and then in radiation for 1 hour.

Madie took us leaving a little hard. She climbed up on my lap last night and cried, and kept saying, "I'm gonna miss you Grammy!!" Broke my heart. The boys and Jessica seemed to be fine, but of course we are only gone one day. Gracie vomited 4 times today - don't know what that's all about, but hopefully its just cause she misses her Grammy. Don't want to have to worry about her.

Brian is settled in quite nice watching MSU beat up on Iowa. Nighty night all, thanks for all your support.

Wow!!

To all of our church family, Starr family, Perrigo family, neighbors, friends and relatives,

Brian and I are absolutely humbled and overwhelmed with the outpouring of kindness you all have shown to our family. Never in a million years did we expect to receive all the cards, gifts, emails, phone calls, offers to help our family with meals, offers to help our kids, thoughts, prayers . . . . . I could go on and on forever. You all will never ever know how much this means to all of us. Brian and I both received a HUGE package of stuff from our co-workers today, and we brought it all in and sat it on the counter, and the kids stood there with their mouths hanging open. They just kept saying, "I can't believe this". Every day I am more and more amazed at the kindness we have been shown. We love each and every one of you, and thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We hope that someday we can return the favor.

You all have made this journey so much easier, and we will never forget what all of you have done for us.

We have one more day at work and we will begin our journey. It will be so much easier with all of you supporting us . . . SO THANK YOU!

One more week . . . .

Well, this is it . . . . the last week left before we start. I am anxious for him to get started but am scared at the same time. After this point our lives will never be the same. I am at peace with all this, and know that Brian is going to be just fine, but I am also scared to death. I am afraid to see the man I love suffer. He has always been the rock, he has always been the one that has been there for me through all of my surgeries, sicknesses, etc. Now the tables are turned and I have to be the strong one now. I hope that I don't fail. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm the rock of this family, but I have been strong because I had a strong husband to stand behind me. He's not afraid of this, so why am I? I just have to move ahead and not think about it and deal with what comes. Wish me luck!